all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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