so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
Is it penis luge time yet?
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
Randomize
