Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
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