No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
