ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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