Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Randomize
