If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Randomize
