I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
