I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Randomize