last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
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