Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
