worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
