Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
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