Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
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