Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize
