just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
