I hope my margaritas pass through security.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
