John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
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