What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
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