I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
Randomize
