everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
I just gift wrapped bread.
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
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