got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
Randomize
