i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Randomize
