Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
Randomize
