I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
Randomize
