my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
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