I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
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