found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Randomize
