Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
Randomize
