This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
