90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
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