i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
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