I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
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