dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Randomize
