it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Randomize
