wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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