I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
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