Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
i think i have herpe
just one?
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Randomize
