I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize