Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
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