Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
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