they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
