I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
that is very illegal...i love you.
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