He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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