Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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