I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Randomize
