My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
Randomize
