READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Randomize
