her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
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