I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
Randomize