you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
