your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
