First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
Randomize
