I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
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