Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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