Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
