im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
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