my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
I am spending my child support on dildos
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Randomize
