I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
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We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
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I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
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