I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
Randomize
