There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Randomize
