how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
