Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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