Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Randomize
