i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
Can i not drive my cunt home
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
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I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
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I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
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