i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
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