Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
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