Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
