If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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