Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
Mom said you looked used
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
my god I love twenty year old dicks
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
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